Why does my friend waste time in AA instead of me?

Readers Question Readers Question: (Name changed for privacy)
Stanton Peele Response by: Dr. Stanton Peele
Posted on April 16th, 2012 - Last updated: January 30th, 2014
This content was written in accordance with our Editorial Guidelines.


Further Reading

Dear Sir:

I have a very dear friend who is going threw her 3 AA rehab program. She is starting her 3rd month of a 3 month program.

Here is the question.

She is a person who will try to help anyone!

She is going to this church. Non Denominational and there she met a guy who has been 18 years sober so he says.

To gatherer (manly his idea). They would start a group at the church and help others with getting threw the 4th step.

OK here is the kicker. She has not yet completed going threw the 4th step and she has not told her Sponcer anything about this.

I am a retired Correctional Officer and I will admit. I am suspicious of anyone like this guy because I do know she wants to help the world and I know she is at a very vulnerable state of her rehab right now.

When she told me of this. I did not want to upset her. But I did try and ask her about the liabilities they would be taking on and the fact she her self has not gotten threw the 4th step. Her answer to me was: Your not an Alcoholic and the sponcer are not trained and are not responsible for her.

I am not trying to be jealous because I am the only one who has been giving her any financial help while going threw rehab and she did live with me before going in. Any sujestions on this?

Thank you.

Dear Bill:

Let me understand this — your friend helps everyone but you, and you help her? That puts you at the bottom of the totem pole. I think you need to think about getting out from underneath there.

Your friend likes to help alcoholics, and you’re not part of that world, as she makes clear. This makes her feel good. But the question is, what makes you feel good? If you are seeking gratitude, or companionship, you will have to look elsewhere.

You should be happy if she maintains her sobriety. Send her an anniversary card, and leave it at that.


Stanton Peele

Dr. Stanton Peele, recognized as one of the world's leading addiction experts, developed the Life Process Program after decades of research, writing, and treatment about and for people with addictions. Dr. Peele is the author of 14 books. His work has been published in leading professional journals and popular publications around the globe.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *