Finding Hope After Failing to Quit Addiction

How Can I Believe in Myself When I’ve Tried to Quit Addiction Thousands of Times and Failed Every Time?

The question of how to believe in yourself after so many failed attempts to quit addiction is one of the toughest there is. But the truth is that people are unpredictable, and what makes someone finally quit can happen at any point.

Addiction is not a disease, and you are not powerless.

We believe in the power of personal growth and alternative reinforcements to help people move on from addiction. You’re never too far gone to change, and we’re here to help you on that journey.

At the Life Process Program (LPP), we often hear from individuals who feel worn down by repeated attempts to quit their addiction. They’ve tried time and again to break free, only to find themselves right back where they started, and this has caused them to lose faith in their ability to succeed. But if there’s one message we want to share, it’s this:

No matter how many times you’ve tried, change is always possible.

Outgrowing Addiction: A Natural Process

One of the core principles we believe in at LPP is the concept of “outgrowing” addiction. Addiction, like any behavior, doesn’t have to be a permanent part of someone’s identity. People often outgrow their addictions as their lives become filled with more meaningful and fulfilling pursuits—whether it’s family, career, or personal growth.

Many people who struggled with addiction in their youth find that as their lives evolve, their priorities shift. They become less interested in the substances or behaviors that once captivated them. This transition can happen for a variety of reasons—falling in love, having children, discovering new passions—but the common thread is that their lives became more fulfilling than the addiction.

This isn’t a magical process, nor is it entirely predictable. Some people find that they naturally mature out of their addictive behaviors in a matter of years, while others may take decades. And there’s no set formula for when or how this will happen. As researcher Gene Heyman points out in his meta-analysis of national data, people quit their addictions for all sorts of reasons, and while certain patterns emerge, there is no one-size-fits-all timeline. What makes someone quit is often deeply personal and cannot be predicted with precision.

Why Haven’t I Quit Yet?

If you’ve been battling addiction for a long time, it’s natural to wonder, “Why haven’t I quit yet? Does this mean I’m incapable of change?” The answer is no. Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it won’t happen. In fact, it may be that the pieces of your life that need to shift for you to move on from addiction haven’t fully come into place yet.

At LPP, we often find that individuals who struggle to quit have not yet found a deeper sense of fulfillment that outdoes their addiction. One person might quit when they realize that their behavior is incompatible with being a PTA president. Another might stop because they want to be a better parent. Yet another might decide that they want their parents to feel proud of them again.

The point is, we can’t always predict what will make someone finally let go of their addiction. But we do know that when someone finds a compelling, positive reason to quit—something more valuable than the addiction—it becomes much easier to leave that behavior behind.

Addiction Isn’t a Disease, and You’re Not Powerless

One of the reasons many people lose faith in their ability to quit is because of the narrative they’ve been told: that addiction is a lifelong disease, and that they are powerless over it. At LPP, we reject this narrative. We believe that addiction is not a disease, but rather a behavior—a deeply ingrained one, but a behavior nonetheless—that can be changed.

When someone views addiction as something that will always be with them, it can feel like a hopeless battle. But when we reframe addiction as something that can be outgrown or left behind as a person grows and changes, it becomes clear that there’s always hope. You’re not defined by your addiction, and you have the power to make different choices.

So Why Do People Quit After 5, 10, 20 Years?

The idea that people outgrow addiction is backed up by research, but what’s particularly interesting is that there doesn’t seem to be a clear distinction between people who quit early and those who quit much later. Gene Heyman’s analysis shows that people who quit after 20 years aren’t that different from those who quit after 3 or 10 years. In fact, the same factors—things like personal values, social connections, and life circumstances—predict when someone will quit, regardless of how long they’ve been addicted.

So why does someone suddenly decide to quit after decades of addiction? It’s difficult to say. For some, it may be a moment of clarity—a realization that their life could be better. For others, it could be an external change, like a new job or relationship.

The key is that people don’t quit because they’re fundamentally different; they quit because something in their life has shifted, and they’ve found a compelling reason to move forward.

The Role of Alternative Reinforcements

One of the behavioral principles behind quitting is the idea of “alternative reinforcements.” This simply means that when someone has other sources of joy, fulfillment, and meaning in their life—things that are more important than their addiction—they’re more likely to quit. At LPP, we help people find and build these alternative reinforcements. Whether it’s reconnecting with family, pursuing new hobbies, or finding a deeper sense of purpose, these elements in life are powerful motivators for change.

But these changes don’t always happen overnight. For some, it may take years before they find that thing that’s more meaningful than their addiction. And— even though we work at LPP to expedite this process— that’s okay if it’s taken a long time to come to this readiness. There’s no set timeline for overcoming addiction, and no one is “too far gone” to change.

Believing in Yourself Again

It’s easy to lose faith in yourself after so many failed attempts to quit. But each attempt is a step closer to figuring out what will work for you. And just because you haven’t found that key yet doesn’t mean you won’t.

At LPP, we believe that anyone is capable of change, no matter how long they’ve been addicted. The process of recovery isn’t about being perfect or quitting on the first try—it’s about continuing to grow, learn, and adapt. People can and do outgrow their addictions, and you can too. The key is to keep looking for the life elements that will make quitting worthwhile and to believe that change is always possible, no matter how long it takes.