Addiction Isn’t Forever: The Truth Most People Don’t Hear (Blog 1)

Note from the author:
This is the first in a 15-part blog series I’m writing, based on chapters from the book Outgrowing Addiction: With Common Sense Instead of “Disease” Therapy, which I co-authored with Dr. Stanton Peele. The ideas in the book reflect both of our voices, but these blogs are entirely mine. They offer my own interpretation, based on my life, my work, and my experience with addiction—not just studying it, but living through it and coming out the other side.

You’re Not Broken—You’re Becoming

Here’s a sentence I think every person struggling with addiction deserves to hear:

You’re not broken. You’re in progress.

I wrote Outgrowing Addiction because I believe that addiction isn’t a disease—it’s a phase. It’s a process. It’s something you grow into and, just as often, grow out of.

That may sound unconventional, but it’s backed by overwhelming research and confirmed by countless personal stories—including my own. I was addicted to heroin in my 20s. And I got out of it—not by checking into a 30-day facility or by declaring myself powerless, but by building a better life, one step at a time. I got out by growing out.

And the truth is: most people do.

The Evidence: Addiction Ends More Than It Lasts

Let’s start with something you won’t hear in rehab commercials:

Most people who become addicted to drugs or alcohol eventually stop being addicted.

The National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions (NESARC), a massive government-backed study of over 43,000 Americans, found that:

• 84% of people who were ever addicted to nicotine eventually quit
• 91% overcame alcohol dependence
• 97% overcame marijuana addiction
• 99% overcame cocaine addiction

And no—they didn’t all do it in rehab. Many didn’t do it with professional help at all. They simply changed over time, as their lives changed. Addiction, it turns out, is often something people outgrow—especially when they have reasons to.

One of the Most Powerful Case Studies in Addiction History

During the Vietnam War, many American soldiers became addicted to heroin. According to sociologist Lee Robins, who tracked their outcomes, about 20% were addicted overseas. But once they came home?

90% of them stopped almost immediately.

Same people. Same brains. Same drug. The only thing that changed? Their context. Their future. Their lives.

The addiction industry often treats recovery as a lifelong struggle. But those veterans—and the research behind their recovery—prove that recovery is often a natural human process, triggered by a shift in life circumstances. That finding alone should have rewritten the book on addiction. Instead, it was largely ignored.

So What Is Addiction?

Here’s how I define it:

Addiction is a harmful attachment to a behavior or substance that provides relief or pleasure—but continues even when it causes problems.

That’s it. No metaphysical explanation. No irreversible brain damage. No “disease of the self.”

Addiction is about the role something plays in your life. And it fades if and when that role becomes less useful—when you gain better tools, deeper connections, stronger values, and a clearer purpose in life.

In other words, addiction usually ends when life gets better.

The Labels Are the Problem

One of the most dangerous features of the disease model—aside from the pseudoscience —is the identity trap it creates.

Recovery programs encourage (sometimes compel) you to say things like:

• “I’m an addict.”
• “I’m powerless.”
• “I’ll always be in recovery.”

But what if you’re not? What if you just went through a chapter in your life—and now that chapter is over?

I’ve worked with plenty of people who’ve internalized these labels. Take Margaret, for example. She was placed in AA as a teenager, even though she barely drank. Fifteen years later, she was a married mother who still avoided alcohol—not because she wanted to, but because she had been told to think of herself as an alcoholic.

When she asked if it would be okay to have a glass of wine with her friends, the biggest hurdle wasn’t the wine—it was the identity. And that’s a problem. Labels like “addict” have a way of shrinking people down to their worst years, even after those years are long gone.

What Actually Helps People Quit?

I’ll make it simple: People stop being addicted when they have something better to live for.

• A sense of purpose
• People they care about
• A job they value
• A future they believe in

That’s not my opinion—it’s just how people work. Life wins when life is worth living.

The Story of Joseph

Joseph was addicted to heroin. He had a criminal record, a history of poverty, and barely knew how to read. But then he met someone. He fell in love. He got married. He earned his GED. He became a counselor in the very community where he used to buy drugs.

Then, years later, he burned himself in a kitchen accident. The doctor gave him a prescription for Percocet.

And here’s the part I always want to highlight: Joseph took the medication. He used it while he was in pain—because he needed it. But once he healed and the pills no longer served a purpose, he threw them out. Not because someone told him to. Not because he had to prove anything. But because he had a life he cared about—one that made returning to addiction unthinkable.

The drugs didn’t change. His brain didn’t change. His priorities changed.

That’s recovery. Not abstinence. Not fear. Just a better life.

So Why Doesn’t Anyone Talk About This?

Because there’s a recovery industry and cultural way of thinking that depends on keeping people in recovery. There’s a cultural script that rewards people for saying they’re addicts and punishes them for saying they’ve moved on. There are billions of dollars in treatment programs that define addiction as a permanent problem.

But the truth is: most people recover. Quietly. Permanently. Without needing to call themselves anything.

An Alternative: The Developmental Model

I believe addiction isn’t a disease. It’s a detour. A developmental process. Something people grow into—and can grow out of.

That doesn’t mean it’s easy. But it does mean it’s possible. And more common than you’ve been led to believe.

Instead of labeling yourself or your loved ones, ask better questions:

• What would a meaningful life look like?
• What strengths are already there?
• What needs aren’t being met?
• How can we create a future that addiction doesn’t fit into?

That’s the work I do. That’s the message I believe in. That’s what Outgrowing Addiction and the Life Process Program is all about.

Final Thought

You’re not diseased. You’re developing.

If someone had told me that when I was 23 and scared out of my mind, it might’ve changed everything a little sooner.

I’ll continue unpacking these ideas in the next blog—starting with what it really means for something to be addictive in the first place. (Spoiler: it’s not just about drugs.)

👉 Buy Outgrowing Addiction on Amazon

👉 The Life Process Program online coaching program