What Addiction Really Means: It’s Not About Drugs, It’s About the Relationship (Blog 2)

Note from the author:

This is the second post in a 15-part blog series drawn from my book Outgrowing Addiction: With Common Sense Instead of “Disease” Therapy. I co-wrote the book with Dr. Stanton Peele, but these posts are all in my voice—based on my own experience, work, and observations.

If you missed the first post, it introduced the idea that addiction is a developmental process, not a disease. This post digs into what actually makes an experience “addictive”—and what doesn’t.

It’s Not Just About Drugs

Let’s start with a small but critical correction to our cultural vocabulary:

Addiction is not about the thing—it’s about the relationship.

You can become addicted to heroin, yes. But also to gambling. Or shopping. Or scrolling Instagram at 2am while avoiding your own thoughts.

So what’s the common thread? It’s not chemicals. It’s not brain hijacking. It’s not demonic possession by fentanyl.

Addiction happens when something that once offered relief or reward starts causing harm—but you keep doing it anyway.

The American Psychiatric Association has finally admitted that behaviors like gambling can be classified as addictions. That’s a pretty big departure from the old “chemical hooks” theory. The World Health Organization agrees. Even the term “behavioral addiction” is now standard in clinical circles.

So, no—addiction isn’t caused by drugs. Drugs just happen to be a fast, reliable, socially charged way of entering that loop.

The Painkiller Panic (and What It Misses)

Let’s talk about opioids, since they’re always the headline act. If you listen to public health messaging, opioids are portrayed like sentient agents of evil—capable of enslaving you within five days, rewiring your brain permanently, and dragging you into a life of despair with no off-ramp.

But here’s what the actual data say:

In 2015, about 98 million Americans used prescription opioids. Between 1–2% developed any kind of substance use disorder, including mild misuse. The rest didn’t.

If that surprises you, try this experiment: Ask 10 people you know if they’ve ever taken a painkiller. Then ask how many of them became addicted.

What you’ll find is what I’ve discovered: most people don’t become addicted to painkillers—because most people have lives that opioids would interfere with. Jobs, families, routines, ambitions, creative projects, curiosity, friendships. That stuff is protective.

Purpose Beats Chemistry

One of my favorite moments in Outgrowing Addiction comes from a simple comment made by a board member at Above and Beyond Family Recovery Center in Chicago. When asked about his experience with opioids after knee surgery, he said:

“I was so anxious to get back to my life that I stopped using the pills as soon as I could.”

That’s the whole story in one sentence.

This isn’t just anecdotal. When people have a reason to stop—when they have something more important to do—they stop. That’s not a miracle. That’s human nature.

What About Famous Overdose Deaths?

You’ll often hear about celebrities who die from drugs, as if their stories prove how dangerous drugs are in general. But look closely. These are usually cases of poly-drug use, unsafe supply, and a complete lack of medical oversight.

Prince, for example, died from counterfeit Vicodin laced with fentanyl—not from a prescribed painkiller taken responsibly.

When painkillers are given in controlled medical settings, overdose death rates drop to near zero. The risk comes not from the drug alone, but from mixing drugs, self-medicating emotional pain, and navigating unregulated street markets.

Not Everyone Is at Equal Risk

If drugs were inherently addictive to everyone, then everyone would be addicted. But they’re not. So they aren’t.

Addiction tends to cluster in people who are already in pain—social, emotional, economic. If you’ve experienced hardship, poverty, marginalization, or a lack of future orientation, then addictive experiences can feel like lifelines.

The worse your life feels, the more compelling the escape.

“In short, what determines whether drug use escalates into addiction… is less to do with the power of the drug and more to do with the social, personal, and economic circumstances of the user.”
—Professor Paul Hayes, former CEO of the UK’s National Treatment Agency

That’s the real story. And we should be telling it far more often than we tell chemical horror stories.

The Real Danger of Fear-Based Messaging

Ironically, the more we terrify people about drugs, the more we may increase the likelihood of addiction. Research going back decades shows that teens who are the most fearful of drugs—often because they’ve been fed black-and-white scare tactics—are also the most likely to misuse them once they start.

Why? Because when the fear proves false (e.g. “Wait, I smoked weed and didn’t die?”), it undermines every other warning they’ve been given—including the ones that might actually be true.

What We Should Be Teaching Instead

Instead of saying “drugs are dangerous,” we should be saying something far more accurate and helpful:

“Drugs can become addictive for some people in some situations. But you’re not powerless, and your environment and purpose matter more than the chemical.”

We should also be honest about why people use drugs:

• Relief from pain
• Social connection
• Curiosity
• Boredom
• Rebellion
• Euphoria
• Control

The goal isn’t to deny that these rewards exist. The goal is to understand what needs those rewards are fulfilling—and then build a life where those needs are met in better ways.

Final Thought

The most dangerous myth about addiction is that it lives in the substance.

It doesn’t.

It lives in the person’s relationship with that substance—or behavior. It’s not about heroin or Instagram or slot machines or weed. It’s about what those things are doing for you—and whether your life offers anything better.

In the next blog, I’ll talk about how to build those better alternatives, especially for children and teens.

Until then, keep questioning the narrative. It’s not just helpful—it’s necessary.

—Zach Rhoads
Author, Coach, Behavioral Specialist

👉 Buy Outgrowing Addiction on Amazon

👉 Life Process Program: Online Addiction Coaching