Can you help me be the object of a drunk-girl fetishist’s affections?

Readers Question Readers Question: (Name changed for privacy)
Stanton Peele Response by: Dr. Stanton Peele
Posted on April 22nd, 2009 - Last updated: November 20th, 2023
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Thanks for taking the time to read this. I am an alcoholic woman in recovery. I was dumped by my fiancé after a 3 1/2 year courtship. He is a drunk girl fetishist whom I met through my business (I was until recently a fetish model).

He loved the drunk girl I became – but hated dealing with the terror and isolating I did during hangovers. I came to be very dependent on him for many things I could have done myself if I were well. I feel wronged in the sense that he wanted both – but when he realized he couldn’t have both, he threw me out. I planned my entire life around this guy, and my daughter’s life as well. My drinking got very bad upon returning home, and I’ve taken the consequences. I am sober now through AA, but honestly I’m not enjoying myself at all. I feel just as anxious and sick as I did drinking.

What I really want is another chance with him, but without drinking. I have nothing he wants sexually when I am sober. With drinking, I am afraid I’ll become the dependent baby he dislikes. Any insight you have is much appreciated.

Thank you,


Dear Ariana:

I didn’t fully realize there was such a thing as a “drunk girl fetish” until you mentioned it. But now that you do, I realize I knew of the existence of this syndrome – people who enjoy seeing others be minimized and degraded as a sexual turn-on.

As a rule of thumb, I don’t assist people to “catch” other people, and especially so under the conditions you identify – when someone has used than rejected you. What should I tell you if a man was attracted to you because you mutilated yourself, and only then became aroused, but then rejected you because he couldn’t deal with you infections? And, what about your daughter? Would you like her to imitate you?

You don’t seem to be enjoying your recovery. Perhaps you need to approach it in another way – one that brings you more self-respect and enjoyment. I can’t help but think that, if you had more fun, you would be less likely to seek fulfillment in being the object of someone else’s fetish. Are there no men at AA who enjoy a woman, sexually and otherwise, who is simply sober, or do you simply spurn such men there? Perhaps there are other venues you can turn to for companionship.

Yours best,


Stanton Peele

Dr. Stanton Peele, recognized as one of the world's leading addiction experts, developed the Life Process Program after decades of research, writing, and treatment about and for people with addictions. Dr. Peele is the author of 14 books. His work has been published in leading professional journals and popular publications around the globe.

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