My boyfriend masturbates daily and it is affecting our relationship
Readers Question: (Name changed for privacy)
Posted on January 20th, 2010 - Last updated: November 20th, 2023
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I read your previous Q&A about masturbation effecting a relationship, where you view masturbation as a natural thing.
My question to you is my boyfriend masturbates daily a lot (I don’t know how many times a day at last once a day) and our sex life suffers on my end horribly.
He can’t maintain an erection and all our sex ends up being a masturbation session.
Can you offer any advise at all on what the problem may be.
I think he has always masturbated. We have been together for 2 years and I am an attractive woman but our sex is unromantic and leaves me feeling empty.
He seems content and says sorry for the malfunction but sees no need to change or admit it is a problem. Is it?
thanks
Lauren
Dear Lauren:
This is a problem, because your sex is unsatisfactory, unlike the previous writer.
In any relationship, people have the right to find satisfaction, and to ask for what they need.
You may think your boyfriend is not satisfying you sexually because he is masturbating, but it may be that he is not engaged enough with you sexually (which can happen for many reasons), and so he seeks sexual gratification through masturbation.
But, as you suggest, it is very selfish of him to accept this state of affairs.
Perhaps the best excuse he could make is that he likes being with you, but is unable to find sexual satisfaction through ordinary sex.
But this is a serious dysfunction.
You might ask him if there is something you can do that could help him gain gratification through sex with you; but it sounds as though he is not shy about having sex the way he wants it when in your presence.
Best wishes,
Stanton
Dr. Stanton Peele, recognized as one of the world's leading addiction experts, developed the Life Process Program after decades of research, writing, and treatment about and for people with addictions. Dr. Peele is the author of 14 books. His work has been published in leading professional journals and popular publications around the globe.
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Yours but not hers,
Insanity