Porn: How to Combat the New Addiction Nightmare
Dr. Stanton Peele, founder, Life Process Program
Breaking the Cycle of Pornography Addiction
In an alarming Free Press article, “I Had a Helicopter Mom. I Found Pornhub Anyway,” Isabel Hogben, a 16-year-old girl wrote of discovering porn at age 10 on a website. It exposed her to “simulated incest, bestiality, extreme bondage, sex with unconscious women, gangbangs, sadomasochism and unthinkable physical violence.”
Isabel has never herself engaged in those things. Or known anyone who has. In fact, she’s never had sex with another person. That’s not the worrisome thing. This is:
Today I’m 16, and my peers are suffering from an addiction to what many call “the new drug.” Porn is the disastrous replacement for intimacy among my sexless, anxiety-ridden generation.
In her lonely room Isabel (and her friends) deal with the overwhelming anxiety that dealing with the real world presents them with by using porn, “the new drug.” It removes their anxiety from what they know is wrong about their lives.
But it replaces it with another artificial stimulant (besides drugs and alcohol) that takes them farther and farther from this real world and replaces reality with the fake sexuality, intimacy, and activities of “porn world.”
Indeed, Isabel indicates that her helicopter Mom ignored her addiction. Actually, could it be said that, secretly, her mother welcomed her addiction?
After all, it kept her safely at home. She would never be raped. Or have unwise sex. Or, really, have sec or intimate relationships of any kind.
And if her helicopter mom is as anxious about those and other worldly things as Isabel has become, then we might say that her daughter’s porn habit is as addictive for her as it is for Isabel.
So what is the solution?
To put it simply, Isabel has to get out more. But what about her safety? What about drugs and alcohol? What about boyfriends and girlfriends? What about (shudder) sex?
Yes, there is much to be anxious about. But most adults, like her mother, got through these things. That’s how her mother came to have a family, a daughter, and the means to support and protect them.
So how will Isabel develop these skills and resources to help overcome her porn addiction?
Here are the anxiety-provoking answers and how to overcome them.
- Isabel has to go outside sometimes and deal with the real world, as anxiety provoking as this is for both her and her mother. Those anxieties will just have to be held in check. After all, the chances of a sixteen-year-old being kidnapped and raped are minuscule. While the dangers of being addicted are omnipresent. In fact, they’ve already occurred.
- Of course, Mom and daughter should rehearse the skills needed in the real world. Like driving. Conversing with random people. Being aware of your situation, any potential dangers, and how to escape and parry them.
- Relax, these excursions don’t have to be momentous. But they should occur regularly through such activities as shopping, exercising, going to movies, the beach or dinner with pals, joining teams or groups of interest to the youngster (e.g., soccer, bands, books, hiking — just walking around town).
- Yes, such excursions may lead to — relationships and (shudder) sex. But the fundamental principle is that all along the child will be developing self-regard and self-management skills. These are things that people learn and practice. And they are essential for living life safely and productively. Isabel, meanwhile, isn’t learning them.
- The Life Process Program is a tool for people to expose themselves to life and to develop such skills. It’s not for children or teens, but for adults, like Isabel’s mom.
Because, you see, LPP has many clients who followed Isabel’s path. And today these adults are as addicted as she is. Even though their childhoods are in the past.
But these adult LPP clients still must explore real-world activities and confront and overcome their fears. And an online program, rather than an institutional one, is ideal for such exploration.
In the end, there is really only one true remedy for or protection from addiction.
No, it’s not recovery, or abstinence — like holing up in your room (like Isabel), or your apartment or house (like many adults).
No, there is only one antidote for addiction.
And that is learning how to be in charge of your own life as you emerge into the world around you, including its people.
Everything else is addictive.
If you enjoyed this blog, you may also enjoy this episode of our weekly podcast about sex addiction: how we define it, and how to solve it.
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